In a time when the buddy-love-in 'Grindhouse' can't be met with the aplomb it deserves for catching the who-gives-a-fuck nature that is the fundamental essence of the B-Movie, what hope does this genre of film have? What kind of Premiership would we have if suddenly they got rid of all the fizzy pop leagues below it? We need are D-DVDs (thats Direct-to-DVDs kind shrew), we need our Chuck Norris' and Wesley Snipes, we need something to stock bargain bins across our blessed land.
Where amidst this pile of debris and unforgiving world of cinema are we going to find our half-assed, badly constructed monstrosities that clog the late night channels and drain our brains of the necessary fluids it takes to make us function.
Oh look...a balding, slightly muscular man on the horizon. Is that Ross Ke...no it's JASON BLOODY STATHAM.
The cockney-tongued, wide-boy has turned the B-Movie genre on its head. From amidst the dated archives of Badmovies.org that depend on 'Dolemite' and other explotation flicks for a cheap laugh, The Stath (copyright Empire Magazine) has brought the sub-genre roaring back into our faces like a football coverd in fire kicked by God.
After such ribald hits as 'The Transporter' and...uh...'The Transporter 2', the former stock character in Guy Ritchie's gangster wonderland decided to try his arm at 'Crank' and, you know what? Critics bloody loved it.
But where now? Well Chuck Norris would fight Bruce Lee. DING!
The Stath vs. 'Bruce Lee 2.0' Jet Li in upcoming kung-fu, fightfest 'War'.
But then what?
Well he has signed on to play, get this, Frankenstein.
No not Boris Karloff's big bolty-necked bastard being chased by peeved villagers but this mother hubbard in 'Death Race', a remake of 1975 B-Movie extraordinaire '
'Death Race 2000', a stupid look into the future where America ruled the world (hey wait...) and sanctioned a bloody race across the country where pedestrians are worth points.
But will it worked. Well, it certainly worked for one of it's original stars
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